The Sexual Liberation of Me

I have mentioned before here that I like to be spanked, but also that I have never had a partner who was into spanking me. I never even mentioned the desire to my wife, Lee, until we'd been together almost fifteen years, and even then I did so tentatively, at best. At that time, she was reluctant to share that with me, for very good reasons: We are both survivors of childhood abuse. It is understandably difficult for to get her mind around spanking me as a way of loving me.

In the last couple months, though, largely as a result of general improvements in our relationship, we have started to be much more open with each other sexually, and our sex life, which has always been at least adequate, and usually good, has started to border on great. We have re-discovered the sort of sexual freedom we had when we were younger. And we have re-discovered some of the passion we shared early in our relationship. It's been wonderful.

And now, as part of that, Lee has started to express an open-ness to spanking me. It's not something we've done yet, and I don't know if it's something we ever will do. But the prospect has left me with an erotic charge that simply won't go away. I feel almost like a teenager again. Or, maybe better, I feel like I've just met the woman of my dreams and I have that "can't get the prospect of eating her pussy out of my mind" feeling every time I look at her. In this case, though, the woman of my dreams is my wife, and eating her pussy is being laid over her lap with my pants down and my ass up.

Oh, there are other naughty desires inside me, too. I've talked before about how I feel about cum. I've long yearned for a partner with whom I could find a way of celebrating that fact that I ejaculate when I orgasm, and not just treat it as a mess that has to be cleaned up. Lee and I had such a moment a week or so ago, and it was amazing, and I'm looking forward to many more like it.

But spanking is different. The fact that I was physically abused as a child is part of what attracts me to spanking. It gives me the opportunity to "rewrite the script", to have control where once I had none, and to eroticize something that was once terrifying. When I am being spanked (by myself, of course, nowadays), my cock continually drips pre-cum—which, in my case, is the surest sign of sexual arousal, much surer than whether I am hard, which I often am not. I frequently orgasm from spanking: non-ejaculatory orgasms, of much the same sort I enjoy from prostate stimulation. They tend to happen at the end of a particularly severe sequence, when it stops, and my body releases the tension that has built. I feel the same pulsing in my loins, and then lightning bolts of pleasure shoot out from my reddened ass, in all directions, through my body and out into the night.

When I started this post, it was going to be about a fantasy or day dream, sometimes an actual dream, that I've been having several times a day for the last week. But I'll save it for another post now.